Men Make
Poor Pillows
Natasha Adams
A Melancholy Feat Production
Copyright © 2026
Natasha Adams
All rights reserved. No
part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form by any means
without permission in writing from the publisher, except by a reviewer, who may
quote brief passages in a review.
Writing & Editing: Natasha Adams
Art: Natasha
Adams
Printed and bound in
Sarnia, Ontario, Canada
Published by Melancholy
Feat Productions
700 Scott Road,
Aamjiwnaang First Nation, Ontario, N7T 6M8
https://nythe-scorpious.blogspot.com
Table of Contents
Dedication
Prologue
Artificial Tether
Man & His Bitch
The Muse
The Beholder
Scene Queen
Space & Time
Happy Birthday, Mr.
President
Emergency Contact
Unworthy
Adventuring
Lost in the Woods
Beautiful Strangers,
Part-Time Lovers & Unrequited Loves
Terrible Poems for
Lovely Goddesses
Epilogue
About the Author
Dedication
To the
Pook:
I am
finally making good on my word. I was the absolute worst and I am sorry. I am
happy to see the beautiful life you’ve built for yourself.
To all
the people who inspired the poems contained herein:
Thank
you for the valuable lessons you taught me, for the experiences we shared, and
for your time.
Prologue
Love Letter from a Slut
With the way I date,
You’d think I’m
collecting all of the unloved men of the world,
Like I want to love
every unloved man so deeply,
That he can learn to
love his self.
Investing too much time
on inspections,
Expending too much energy
to excavate a geode of decency,
Washing away the dirt,
Polishing them
presentable,
Lest I become disillusioned.
Only to end up storing
them in a rose-tinted glass jar upon my shelf, once I lose interest;
So, when I’m bored or
feel like admiring them,
I can dust it off,
Take it down,
Shake them up,
Then put the jar away
for another day.
Keeping them, ‘til they
know how precious every gleaming mineral is.
When the right woman
walks by, I’ll share,
Placing a pebble in her
gentle hand.
Slut is such a boring
slur,
But it beats
misogynistic metaphor.
Carafe, or perhaps ewer
now, is more apt, anyhow,
When I’m pouring love
into every unloved man,
Wondering when will one
love me for me.
Artificial
Tether
No. 3 of The
Bests Collection, "Artificial Tether" (2022).
Ink, Conte, &
Coloured Pencil.
The Night We
Met
Denied
three times,
In
a place I wasn’t supposed to be
Flashback
to my curiosity, set to a Beatles’ medley,
Where
you had blocked out the sun
Why
did you say yes?
Holding
your shoulders so tight,
Seemingly
stuck forever replaying this night.
Last Dance
A little kiss, a small sway
A kind smile showing it’s okay
I don’t need a divine sign
I know you’re mine when you hold me
Some kind of magnetic force has me
stuck
On that chord you struck
So, I can’t forget the look on your
face when we fuck
Not to be vulgar,
Because this is so much more
If you can tolerate my crazy
Our future won’t be hazy
Crystal clear place settings
China sets
No regrets
Just love
I’ll try my best
I’m more than willing to invest
My soul, paid in whole, to you
It’s still early, the sun is barely
out
Our position, relative to it, will
change
But my heart’s won’t
Lover, let’s grow old together
I’m saving my last dance for you
The Casino
I
bet and bluff
Until
I’m up to my eyes,
“Keep
swimming,
No
matter how rough the current.”
You
always fold,
“Enough
is enough;
Why
don’t we cash in?”
But
I live to spin again
And
spend
And
spin again
And
spend
And
the House wins again
Breeding
capital
By
eating addicts
And
stomping throats
Disproportionately
distributing the profits through broken pipelines
Man
& His Bitch
No. 4 of The
Bests Collection, "Man & His Dog" (2022).
Oil Pastel.
Unforgettable
Life
goes on or so I’m told
Nothing’s
new, my soul is sold
I’d
kiss the grass that bends beneath your weight
Life
without you is an unbearable fate
A
forbidden star-crossed pair
Lead
you sheepishly to my lair
Either
way tonight will be regrettable
So,
let’s make it unforgettable
Rainy Day
Here I am in the rain again
Eyes clouded by tears
Mind overcast with depression
A synthetic smile to disguise my lies
Fake laughs, real tears
The gloomy dark sky is dead
When will this life long monsoon end?
It’s not the first fall of the season
Maybe the worst
Without shelter and unshielded
Standing
-Cold, wet and melancholy
Wondering
Where’s my umbrella on this rainy day?
The sun is gone, burned out
Trapped in this perpetual night
Where’s my umbrella?
Where’s the light?
I wish it would stop raining,
I hate dreary nights
Rinse & Repeat
All I ever do is cry
My skin is rough
The ink is dry
I feel so numb
But the blood keeps flowing
When will this cycle stop?
How could you ever know me
Let alone understand me
When you don’t even understand you?
Exhausted
Tears are flowing
The seam of this façade is showing
The disguise is tired
The game is old
And I’m left hollow and cold
Nostalgia becomes my only comfort
Blessed
My
health’s my only blessing today
But
time will deteriorate even that away
This
bitter loneliness consumes me
I’m
the only fish swimming in this sea
The
sound of the waves crashing against the shoreline are enough to drive you up a
padded wall
I
thought you’d be there to catch me when I fall
But
now I’m falling deeper down
And
I don’t want to spend my life in this small town
I
don’t know much for sure
But
your intentions aren’t that obscure
Use
me, lose me, abuse my love
I
just want to be what you’re dreaming of
Breathing
is so hard to do
When
I want to be breathing next to you
I
wish you felt the same
Is
it too much to ask?
I’m
downing the warming liquid in this flask
Winter,
Spring, Summer, Autumn
I
keep waiting but you never come
It’s
so futile
Silence
I love you so much, it’s overwhelming
Just hearing your voice soothes me
You’re always on my mind
I’m so damn pathetic
I call just to hear you
But I cannot speak, my words are useless
So, I’ll just remain silent
I feel honoured that “Hello” is for me
Like your lips once were
I want to repent and reject the coward I’ve become
But I’ll just remain silent
Third times the charm
So maybe I’ll dial those digits again
And attempt to describe this longing
Your angry eyes are so alluring
My want is overwhelming
Still, I’m silent
You are the standard to which no one ever measure up
I need you
But I’ll just remain silent.
My Sweet Addiction
Sitting on my mattress
Awaiting a call that won’t come
Always elusive
Never exclusive
Missing your scent
Longing for your taste
Dependent on your voice
Addicted to your body
Coursing through my veins,
You’re the poison that I crave
Entice me, seduce me, love me, abuse me
Eat me, touch me, beat me, bite me, kiss me, fuck me
And put me out of this misery
Mystery I can’t solve
Sins I won’t absolve
Blame Game
The
pen in my hand holds a strange power over me
Every
word I write
Every
thought I think
Every
action I take
Is
of you
So,
the lyrics I go to write don’t turn out
And
the thoughts I ought to think have evaporated
And
the things I want to do go unaccomplished
And
all that remains is you
I
want to drop my responsibilities
I
want to let go
And
fall into oblivion, sweet oblivion
I
want to be caught by you more so
Fear
factor time, just gotta deal
Barely
remember how to smile
Avoiding
how to feel
Need
to chill out
Get
high, drink Tea
The
words get jumbled
Until
all meaning is lost.
My
sweet muse and bitter writer’s block,
I
need you, no matter the cost,
It’s
so hard to move on, so hard to take stock
Maybe
it’s this funny smelling ink,
Maybe
you’re all the pen knows what to write
Maybe
it’s this paper, whispering out of turn
Either
way, it always turns out the same:
Some
incomprehensible ramblings about you.
Wrong
Again
I
like the way you say my name
Heart
left smouldering and legs aflame
I
promised myself that I was through
But
it’s so hard to get over someone you want under you
I
thought we we’re right
Turns
out I’m wrong
I
can only survive in denial for so long
I
thought you were my one
Drawn
in by gravity but you’re the sun
When
we burn out and you blow up
Will
nothing be left of me?
I guess you’ll have to see
Demoted
from Lover
Can’t
settle for being just another, “highly attractive buddy;”
Do
you get your other friends naked and muddy?
My
penance and my bliss,
I
got what I deserved with every single kiss
GF2
Let's
be big game killers and trade cells
Meet
me in 9, it's a magic number
One
more deep scratch, please, for the road?
Same
old angle between A and B, substituting variables to get a new value for C
I'd
trade nearly anything for honest laughter;
I'd
play for keeps.
Cosmically
tangled,
Don't
wait ‘til the end of the yarn.
Guilty
Confessions
I’ve
spent years searching for one who compares
And
I keep trying,
Despite
knowing it’s unfair
All
I’ve ever wanted was to look into your eyes
And
know that I know you
All
I’ve ever wanted was to hold you
Sit
on my couch
Let
me hear your confession
I
have some time to spare
Want
to hear mine?
I
fear no one will ever compare
And
I’m jealous of the girls you give your time
Don’t
you know I’d give you all of mine?
Revenge
Each encounter
begins with a ding,
The ritual
closing with your prayer of contrition
While I paid the price for our sins
Trapped and growing
discontent
Days spent fantasizing
of futures,
I’d like to
invent
With every night
wasted dreaming of you
I don’t know what
to do
I want to touch
you,
Hold you, kiss
you, fold you, fuck you
Fuck YOU
I’m obsessed to
the point of disgrace
I miss your touch
too much
I miss your
freckled face
You’ll settle
down with a perfectly lovely wife
Become bored and
disillusioned with your predictable life
And when I’m off building
castles in the sky,
I’ll relish the
envy occupying your eye
Rent will come
due
When it’s time to
pay
You’d better have
saved up for that day
Closure
Thinking
of you all night
Illuminated
under the blacklight
Longing
to smell your hair
-But
I’m left here wanting
Missing
the secret meetings at your lair
-But
I’m left here chasing
Craving
the laughs that we shared
-But
I’m left here starving for
My
time with you
I’m
crying,
“Kiss
me again!”
I’m
crying,
“Be
my man!”
Hope
holds a tight grip
Heartache
cracks an exacting whip
Broken
heart exposure
I
just need a little closure
Rosenberg's Rock
Dear
angular scar on my existence,
I
missed you
You're
a clearing in the woods
Void
of growth and footprints,
And
I'm just some seasonal bird
Enjoying
the view overhead
Before
returning North
Oh, the stupidity of youth
In
another decade, how much will have changed?
Everything in its right time and place, I
guess
It feels like home,
Here
in the dark
And I’m not sure if facing the light will
blind me
I Missed You
Dull
my world
Mute
my joy
This
worn ticker ain’t a toy
Leave
me lonelier than how you found me
But
still, I’ll follow blindly
Resuming
course despite recent turbulence
Because
I’m content to crash
If
I can keep you in that little black box
Give
romance a chance
Time
is the greatest thief
Let's
not be robbed
Let’s
not be shocked
We're
still fools, just older
Too
old to be spring lovers
With
too many responsibilities to hole up and fuck
Haunted Hometown
There
are streets I won't walk in my hometown.
Some
ghosts don’t wanna be disturbed,
Some
lonely hearts don’t wanna be reminded,
Lest
I be haunted,
So,
I'll just keep on walkin’
From
Ferry Dock Hill, to the dug-outs, tree fort, skate park, the path to Parkdale
Park, and the spot Madam S professed her love for Kurt on cement.
Retracing
past pathways, simultaneously slipping between past and present with every step.
A
whole new Corunna after dark.
Sneaking
out & sneaking in.
The
summers were good to me and my favourite lover.
We
were safe,
Those
old trees wouldn't blow our cover.
Who
I was,
I
hardy remember,
And
barely recognize when I do
But
I suspect it was mostly a disguise.
I
never thought I'd be happy again.
I'm
glad I was wrong.
Burying the Obsession
Gatsby
gets me every time
On
my last viewing, something Nick said stuck in my head
Paradise
had passed and Jay was grasping at straws
And
maybe I’m no different
Putting
you on a pedestal
In
love with my image of you
Maybe
I’m just greedy
The
pendulum pauses for none
Can
I make peace with what’s passed?
Put
it in the ground,
Sprinkle
it with dirt?
Gatsby Haiku
Daisy,
oh Daisy,
You’re
a sodding bloody cunt,
8
years, was too soon.
For Better or Worse
Embarrassed,
You
tell me not to watch you vomit.
At
your back and beck,
I
gather what you need.
With
my gaze averted,
I
deliver it and what your dignity demands.
You
apologize,
As
if you were a burden,
As
if I didn't sign up for this,
As
if I didn't vow to be there beside you,
No
matter the adventure or ordeal.
The Muse
No. 5 of The
Bests Collection, "The Muse" (2022).
Graphite, Ink, Watercolour,
& Chalk Pastel.
Intracloud Lightning
Eyes
I’ll
never be able to express the full extent of my gratitude
For
melting this ice kingdom,
Like
Aslan ending this eternal winter
Teaching
me grace by bestowing upon me the warm of your compassion in every embrace
My
zygomaticus majors ache with atrophy,
And
are unaccustomed to your upward tugging
But
when I look in your eyes,
I
know it’s safe to smile
An Invitation
I
want to illuminate the secrets blind to willfully closed eyes
Silence
creates contemplative boredom
Honest
words bleed red
Truth
is the treasure I desire
I’d
like to peel the layers of paint encasing you
And
scrape my pinkie nail across your golden core
The
glories of life whisper
And
a wise man is a good listener
They
plead their case
In
the name of beauty and balance
Let’s
journey with curiousity
And
seek their council on the wind
Let’s
escape the mundane
And
build a new realm
Save
me from these waves of uncertainty
It’s
sink or swim
And
the weight of this privilege makes it difficult to tread
I’m
taking on water and their values are stuck in my throat
Is
it any more palatable to you?
Let’s
reject it
Build
something purer
Our
eyes are open
Let’s
hold hands and look around?
In My Purse
Zipped
away safely in my broken purse
A
transparent container protects my most sacred possessions:
Kindred
gems, bittersweet departing words, and a golden heart
Your
golden heart
2
halves reunited to become whole
Gleaming
so brightly
It
can chase away the darkness I contain
My
cherished friend
My
work of art
Tucked
away secrets
Unsaid
confessions
The
darkness of Pandora’s box
Sealed
away with an intricate series of security locks
It
always stays by my side
I’ll
protect your broken locket with my life
I’d
like nothing better than to be your wife
You
say I’m the muscle rapidly beating in your chest, fueling each breath
Forever
affected by the imprint you’ve left
You’re
sunshine condensed in human form
Slumming
It
You want a better
life
Better than what
we could build
More than what I
can give
You’re wading
through algae in a grimy kiddie pool
And weary of your
muddy feet
Why waste your
time?
Why slum it?
You could be one
of them, if you want
You already have
a penchant for discarding things
As if it had no
price
You see me as
static
Consumed with the
consumption my many vices
And perhaps I am
over-indulgent
You’re so far
above me
Wipe me off your
soles when you leave.
Jealousy
You
treat me as if I were your queen
I
couldn’t want anything more
You
remove a mask everyday
Revealing
another layer closer to your core
Everyday
you gift me another piece of the puzzle that is you
One
of these days, I’ll see the picture with perfect clarity
Interlocking
infinitely bit by bit, day by day to piece together a shared future
How
could I be so thoughtless? How could I be so cruel?
Overreacting
and acting like a damned fool
Taking
for granted the gift you’ve given
You
lighten my spirit
And
weaken my knees’ conviction
But
gratitude is difficult when you’re afflicted with Ambition
And
you cannot comprehend the serenity you’ve been living
These
fresh feelings leave me frightened
But
I’ve stopped running and I want to stroll
Let’s
chart a course
Wherever
it leads, and whoever we become,
I’ll
be there
Ode to a Keg
Metallic and shimmering
Cold and calculating
Hollow at heart
All the boys just want to tap and pump.
Perhaps in some ways more like a cup
That college boys have filled to the brim.
I want to see her drained and discarded
Without return of deposit.
Oh, pretty petty lover, supposedly of mine,
The single time you chose to stab me in the front
Leaves me longing for your usual methodology.
Ignorance is bliss
So, I find myself jealous of a fool,
But it’s better than being jealous of her, again.
Of Revenge
I’m obsessed, my
lovely white whale
I think of
nothing but revenge
I will conquer and prevail
You have tainted
our love
I can no longer
find happiness with him
When I close my
eyes,
I can’t visualize
life as his wife
With each embrace
I wonder if he
wishes it was your hips pressing into his,
Your lips
quieting his
Your poison has
left me questioning this
Polar opposites,
Which does the
Gentleman prefer?
Expiration
Dates
I
am a fool
I
don’t deserve your bottomless cup of forgiveness,
I’m
not even sorry for the horrid things I said
We’re
like a favourite shirt
That
you’ve outgrown as the years went by
Let’s
not lie to ourselves or each other.
My
hearts still beating but my spirit has died
Spider
webs hold the shards intact
Spin
me more webs so I can stick with this delusion
You
handle these fragile fragments with such carelessness
Chipping
pieces as you go
You’ll
need a microscope
If
you want to see what’s left
Lie
to me
Deny
the connection,
Until
the next time, you’re bored
Take
what you need
Leave
me abandoned and ignored
Break
my spirit
Burst
my bubble with the tip of your pen
Disregarding
expiration dates is a reliable recipe for heart ache
Life Without You
I
keep my purse straps up now
Since
I no longer have you to slide them up
When
I am sagging
I
don’t wiggle to commercial jingles
In
all my hypocritical glory
Because
you aren’t there to wiggle with me without judgment
I
don’t brush my teeth after every cigarette
Now
that I have no one to conceal my addiction from
No
one to complain about how I taste
I’m
starved without the lies of love and beauty
You
had seasoned to perfection
You
told me I was your heart,
And
that you could not live without your heart
But
here I am, and there you are
I
guess I was something much less vital
Perhaps
a kidney you could spare?
I
wanted to be the high priestess of your temple
Plucked
my eyes to kneel at your altar
And
now this blind zealot stands alone
You’re
doing just fine
Every
word written was a lie
The
life we built,
Shrivelled
up from dehydrated
In
contemplation of our future
I
dreamt of who we could be
I
thought this time we would make it a reality
Your
dagger pierced my skin
I
need t0 reclaim my soul and sanity
Where
do you keep these stolen parts of me?
In
the drawer, alongside the rest?
Can
you love something beyond yourself?
I
needed you to love me, for me
Not
just what I provided
Delusionally
placed faith in this crumbling monument of bliss
Chained
and bowing before your highness
In
your absence,
Everything
you’ve touched casts your shadow
And
I’ve let you touch every thing
So,
it’s all tainted by you.
The Heathen
I wanted to devour you
Extract your essence and bottle it
You were all consuming
And I wanted to consume you
Always the acolyte, but never the Word
Self-immolating on your altar,
Screaming to be heard
Resurrected again and again to worship you
And reclaim by position in the Necromancer’s army
I found peace in my heresy
And in walking that thin line of indifference
I won’t return to the church
I have no tithings
Even if you lack faith
Your curse became my blessing
My solitude is comfortable
You recused yourself
Only to find disappointment in your preclusion
Like a Lifetime ban from a corporate franchisee, that
outlived its small-town location.
The
Beholder
No. 2 of The
Bests Collection, "The Beholder" (2022).
Metallic Sharpie,
China Marker, Ink, Graphite, Chalk, Charcoal, Acrylic Paint, Oil Pastel, Watercolour,
& Coloured Pencil.
The
Friendzone
Oh,
dear Cherished Friend,
Why
didn’t you watch your step?
Don’t
you know quicksand will swallow you up?
I
respect you
I
care about you
And
I don’t want to hurt you
But
I want someone else
And
I’m in hate with Him
Ingratitude
Thanks for the
chain
My apologies for
not sporting it proudly
You are not my
master
Don’t give me a
pet name
I cannot be caged
Push me harder
and I’ll run even faster
Don’t chase your
losses
You cannot brand a
signet in scar tissue.
Sorry
Depression never
disappoints
It’s a well of
inspiration
So dependable
I’m a terrible
person
I hurt the people
I love most
And I’ll carry that
weight for life
Love is some
intangible noun
I cannot transform
into a verb
And I don’t know
if I’ll ever be able to
Until then, I
shouldn’t be with anyone
And I cannot be
with you
Especially not
you
A rarity, an
exception,
Exempt from my
prejudices against your sex
I wish I could
give you more
Maybe when I’m
stable
And emotionally
capable of supporting your needs
But I may never
be able to do so
So, don’t wait up
Find someone
worthy of your affections
I’m a lost cause.
Goodbye
If
everything that can be, is,
Infinite
versions of you still exist
In infinite permutations of reality
Across
eternity
Consciousness
leaping from dead branches of poor decisions
Leaving
us behind
Now
I'm left to wonder
Which
ones see you wrinkle and grey?
How
many lives bring you happiness?
Do
you ever leave this town?
Find
a wife and make a family?
Paint
a portrait of a lovely life?
You
could've done anything
You
were skilled at everything
And
we’re left with the reality of all the things you’ll never do
Scene
Queen
No. 9 of The
Bests Collection, "Scene Queen" (2022).
Ink, Watercolour,
Coloured Pencil, Chalk Pastel, & Mixed Media.
Albino Punk
High
quality pen without any ink
Evolved
brains without an original thought to think
Existential
funk
Trying
not to flunk
ENTER:
the Albino Punk:
Workaholic,
Jerkaholic,
Can't
forget alcoholic
Live,
work, love, die
Overexertion,
just to get by
Soup-clogged,
dirty, work sink
Go
grab another drink
Return
to his bachelor apartment looks that looks like a dorm
Now
that he’s graduated fr0m his school uniform
Scene Queen
Sitting
nervously, I feel so odd
Eloped
to the forest to get high,
God,
I think I love this guy
Manson
fills his basement room
He’s
far more talented than he assumes
He
knows the lyrics to every song
While
I’m content just to bob my head along
He
admires my bra,
I
adore his art
I’ve
accepted the offer of his heart
Hard
to trap these words on paper
They
prefer to flutter around my head
When
I’m lying on his vintage TMNT spread
Can’t
decide what to call him
Mentor
Or
Lover
Happy Fortnight
Sweaty
palms
Nervous
feet
Churning
stomach
Racing
beat
Buddy
Holly
Melancholy
Nervous
feet
Bongo-beat
Kissing
a lot
Poking
smot
Lack
of sleep
Lack
of booze
Hitting
this alarm-clock’s snooze
Graffitied
pants
Happy
dance,
Same
old cords
Walking
bored
Kissing
on the corner
Drinking
peach schnapps in your room
Two
weeks this Wednesday
Crashing
hard, what can I say?
Entrancing
blue eyes under starlit night skies
Picturing
your smile in my mind
Has
become my new favourite pastime
Sodium + Chlorine
Sodium plus chlorine
His voice
pollutes my brain
Sodium plus chlorine
His touch dilutes
my pain
Sodium plus chlorine
The taste of malt
liquor on his lips
Sodium plus chlorine
His hands on my
hips
Sodium plus chlorine
The way that he
smiles
Sodium plus chlorine
His tacky thrifted
style
Sodium plus chlorine
Let’s slaughter
our favourite songs
Sodium plus chlorine
I don’t care if
this is wrong
Sodium plus chlorine
Hoovering
samplers away
Sodium plus chlorine
What else can I
say
Sodium plus chlorine
Sodium plus chlorine
Sodium plus chlorine
Nature’s
Beauty
Waltzing down the
street, hand in hand
This town’s our
ballroom and Nirvana’s the band
Self-consciousness
is a bitter obstacle
Free me from its
chain and shackle
Insert witty
comment
Anxious
butterflies creating the urge to vomit
Souls intertwined
in a passionate embrace
Restores my faith
in the human race
Loving your moans
of utter delight
Your left ear
lobe, I want to bite
Grass bends
beneath our weight
Reproductive
organs mate
The blue in your
eyes
Reminiscent of
afternoon skies
Too Much
My
eyes are thirsty for your smile
Unnamed
convictions deserved a trial
Bathe
in your scent
Underlying
intent
What
happened to those love birds?
Hollow
promises, empty words
Hungry
for your laughter
No
more happily ever after
I
miss the cheesy lines you’d say
I
miss your touch in every way
I
crave those nights we used to share
I
crave the way you’d kiss me there
Lips
once pressed gently upon each other
Now
only inflict pain upon on one another
This
isn’t right
I
don’t want to fight
It
hurts too much,
To love you
The Lesson
The ringing doesn’t end
And I hate the time we don’t spend
No matter how many times I call
I get no answer at all
When I catch you, there’s an awkward silence
Occupied by the thing we’re too scared to say
Sooner or later one of us will have to pay
Consequences suck
We’re shit out of luck
The collateral rattles
As this ripple has grown to tidal wave proportions
Guess we’re all screwed in the end
I despise this growing trend
The pain is creeping
As this is seeping
down the
drain
1st Time Lovemaking
Your body over mine is the warmest blanket I’ll ever need
You prefer a slower speed
You lust for my body
I lust for your soul
Together a new entity
Together a new whole
Excuse my hesitation
I just needed some gentle persuasion
Cashed in a rain-cheque of a special occasion
I want to stay intertwined with you
Always together,
Our love: the glue
I’m your girl?
I’m an oyster and you’re my pearl
Walking hand in hand
Like the night we first met
Singularity
God
Almighty
Righty
tighty
Bored
to death
Frustrated
Emancipated
Old
Beatles pop
Smells
like sex upon the futon
Spinning
pain into fevered thighs
Ecstasy
echoing in empty halls
Latex
friction, cancered air
Will
you take my double dare?
It’s
a challenging task
Weathering
Love’s seasons
Unsure
of how to be together
Afraid
I’m destined to be alone
Except
in small moments of connection
When
I remember we all are alone
United
as a single entity.
I Grew Up
I
thought I wanted your forgiveness
I
thought I wanted your approval
I
thought I wanted you
I
know my vices
I’m
aware of my ignorance
And
I won’t wear your judgment like an identity badge
I
don’t know why I obsess over the formulation of your every word
I
don’t know why I still think about you
I
don’t know what happened to us
Space
& Time
No. 10 of The
Bests Collection, "Time & Space" (2022).
Crayon &
Watercolour.
8 Hours
You
were a third of the world away
Paying
for dial-up minutes at the café;
I
was 8 hours behind,
On
broadband in public libraries
Connected
by chance
The
World Wide Web
The
happenstance of our respective wars
And
shared dream of liberation from theocratic oppression
I lived in the
quiet:
Watching Wendigo
enjoy the bounty gleaned from the atrocities of conquest, betrayal, and biological
warfare
-Past and present
My people
relegated to the corner,
Praying for
leftovers from the last supper
If you listen to
their lies too long, eventually you’ll believe them
They’ll
domesticate you ‘til you forget your fangs
And lay down in
submission
You
lived in chaos:
Crumbling
infrastructure, rotating brown-outs, and rationing water.
You
lived under daily threat
Had
guns in your face
Faced
arrest and death to create your art
You
toppled a tyrant
Then
you were conscripted
And
you went from fighting to actualize an abstraction
To
fighting to earn your freedom.
I sit with
passing privileges
And the luxury of
deciding what tools to use
Fractions
& Figments
You’re
a stranger
The best lover I never had
An epic romance
Forever treasuring
My secret life with you
But you never had all of me
I gave you but a fraction
Polishing the best bits
And hiding the rest
Between the polished pieces that we exchanged,
And the empty spaces filled by our imaginations,
How much was real?
How much was our own construction?
Were we in love?
Or merely figments of our own creation?
OD on Nostalgia
Nearly
20 years later, we meet again,
At
another fork in the road
Our
parallel paths feel fated
Like
Destiny brought you to me, again.
We’ve
grown and greyed,
Acquiring
new battle scars along the way
We’ve
made people, our sweet little blessings
Their
joy is the best two failed artists could ever dream of producing
You’re
closer now;
But
Hamburg is still an ocean away
Anchored
by debt, responsibilities, and obligations
Makes
meeting feels as impossible now as it was then
But
the material obstacles are immaterial
I’m
afraid:
Afraid
to fail to live up to the hype,
And
be found dull by comparison;
Or
worse
-Finding
things better than we dreamed
Only
to resume our separate lives, an ocean away
I
want to live
Not
pledge myself to a screen
Wishing
you love and luck and joy
As
I continue down my path
Lest
we overdose on nostalgia
Happy
Birthday, Mr. President
No. 6 of The
Bests Collection, "Happy Birthday, Mr. President" (2022).
Graphite, Coloured Pencil, Crayon, Chalk
Pastel, Black China Marker, Ink, & Gold Paint.
Cardboard Crushes
Like
a much-coveted cardboard cut-out of my preteen celebrity crush,
Your
beauty overwhelmed me.
And
too much like that cut-out,
I
never could have owned you,
And
I’ll never afford your fancy.
And
like the carbon-copy,
You
were merely a stand-in for the intangible,
Always
tantalizing,
And
never real.
And
we ran about as deep as your paper layers,
But
with even less support behind it.
And
what was I to you?
But
another admirer,
And
a lesser one at that.
Another
picture for your album?
Another
tit to suck your tat?
But
you didn’t care,
Until
I wasn’t there,
And
had skipped your fan club meetings.
Emergency
Contact
No. 8 of The
Bests Collection, "Emergency Contact" (2022).
Graphite, Coffee,
Chalk Pastel, & Oil Pastel.
Emergency Contact
I
haven’t seen you since 2008
But
you’re always there
In
my periphery
Liking
everything you see
My
Number-One-Fan
The
only subscriber
My
public digital diary
Dedicated
to you?
Is
it pity or obsession?
Husband Material
You’re a good man
who makes his parents proud
Or as proud as
Catholic parents can be of their childless only son
Who preferred to
perform metal over classical
Nevertheless, you
are loved
By family
By brothers who
would die for you
By sisters who would kill for you
You’re balanced
Practical and
creative
Open-minded and
cultured
You pair $36 a
bag free-trade organic coffee beans with a vending machine Nacho Cheese Dorito
You can make me
smile and laugh
-Even when I’d
rather not
You got the kind
of moves
That makes a
lady’s lips salivate
And I can’t fault
you for anything
Except perhaps
your taste in tragic women
Unworthy
No. 11 of The
Bests Collection, "Unworthy" (2023).
Oil Pastel.
Unworthy
I’d have loved to
wake up early next to you
To laze around in
our pajamas all Sunday
Without feeling
like I wasted my last day of freedom
Before contorting
myself into a cog for the system
I’d
have loved to venture into the world with you
I
adored the way you saw it
It
was a pleasure discovering those things about you
I
only knew you for a short while,
And
perhaps not even at all
But,
I
loved you more than the men who warmed my bed
Far
too much to suggest you ever settle for someone so unworthy.
My
Wedding Day
I
promised I’d meet him at the other end of an altar
But
I never loved him
Maybe
the shinier shards of his mask
But
never him
Caught
in a trap nest, I tried to make it cozy
But
when I thought of standing face to face with him,
Before
God, our friends, families, and the strangers his mother insisted upon inviting,
I
didn’t dream of our marital bliss,
I
remembered you
And
wondered if it would have made a difference
If
you had attended the party and I had confessed
Would
I have stayed?
Or
went home rejected?
Are
we together in another timeline?
Would
it have been sublime?
Or
would it have been weighted down by my baggage?
I
flail and flounder
Trying
to keep my head above water
Adrift
in a sea of what-ifs
I
don’t know and I still wouldn’t ask
But
I do know that when contemplating marriage
I
should’ve been dreaming of my would-be husband
Not
the one who got away
Emotional
Quarantine
I’m
destructive;
With
an inclination for self sabotage,
-Just
to have some semblance of control over the pain,
And a
tendency to treat men as if they were just as disposable as the latex sheaths,
I adorn them in
I’m
avoidant;
Intimacy
frightens me,
I
couldn’t blame you if you found me wanting after I’ve borne my body
But to
bare it all and reveal my wounds
To a
witness who would turn their eyes
Is
more than I can take
So,
all that is to say,
My
greatest act of loving you
Was
walking away,
So,
you could find your happily ever after
Adventuring
No. 7 of The
Bests Collection, "Adventuring" (2022).
Graphite &
watercolour.
Kobayashi Maru
I had this two-prong litmus test
That I used in my quest
The first involved jumping an impossibly high red bar
The second was whether or not I’d decline
An offer I could never refuse
The test was rigged
-Not even Kirk could have passed
But you aced it
Leaving me in uncharted territory
With the matter of deciding what comes next
Differences
You wanted to be
wanted
I wanted a
guarantee
I needed a life
preserver
You needed
stability
I hoped that with
a kiss
I could transform
into a princess
So, I
drank in your affection,
As if it
were a magic potion,
A
cure-all for my insecurities, intimacy issues, and near non-existent
self-esteem
I
suspect you were hoping for a similar effect
Perhaps
you hoped my experience would help us navigate foreign terrain
I’m
sorry I wasted so much of our journey
Having
you pick up the things I couldn’t keep crammed in my luggage
Until
I met you
Until
I met you,
I
thought the absence of vice was a virtue in itself.
Thank
you for teaching me otherwise.
Until
I met you,
I
thought I’d only ever be loved for what I could give.
I
wish you hadn’t been merely an exercise in confirmation bias.
Until
I met you,
I
hung all my hopes on my love,
Believing
it could make me whole.
Thank
you for teaching me not to make sponsors out of lovers.
Thank
Creator,
I
looked down
To
see the Ruby Slippers were there all along.
Lost
in the Woods
No. 1 of The
Bests Collection, "Lost in the Woods" (2022).
Watercolour &
Ink.
The Lore
The
reviews were mixed
I
didn’t know what to think
Couldn’t
get a read
So,
I observed, and was intrigued
Went
looking for ladders to climb
So,
I could slide into your DMs
Hollering
whenever I had too much to drink
-Which
was much too often back then
Sat
and smoked, watching you work
From
cheap binoculars with a smirk
Back
on my bullshit,
I
send you an invitation to cum anime and chill
Things
were good, but I was greedy
You
got backburnered
And
I got burned
I
nearly drowned in the never-evers
Lost
at sea
Stalked
by a shark
Glimpsing
the shore between waves,
Kept
me afloat
I
wanted to give you a Thanksgiving feast
Not
days old picked-over leftovers
So,
I opted for a fast
I
decreed you Polaris
And had to disentangle whether I loved:
You, the symbol of freedom and the beauty of
what life has left to offer;
Or you, the man
I leave you
Wanting and waiting
Always the mashed potatoes,
But never the steak
I am
sorry.
Beautiful Strangers, Part-Time Lovers
& Unrequited Loves
Beautiful
Stranger
(2023).
Watercolour,
Acrylic Marker, & Ink.
Beautiful
Stranger
Can you walk by again?
This old sceptic wants to decrypt it,
The reason behind Mona Lisa’s smile.
Watching with complete composure,
Under the pretense of ignorance,
Before
You Kiss Me
You
smile before you kiss me
Your
face grows solemn and quiet
I
view myself through your eyes
And
when our mouths and bodies meet
I
feel both our racing hearts beating against my chest.
Feeling Loved
My inhibitions
Surrender to a
presence
So warm and
tender.
New Love
Sweet,
sweet butterflies
Carefree, gentle,
nervous, shy
Pure adrenaline
Too Soon
The end is
nearing
The last frame
slides before us
Time evaporates
Midnight Maul
Her
stomach churns awaiting his arrival
An
ancient relic’s revival
Her
heart against her ribcage
As
his knuckles rap against her door
Shaken
to the core
Drunken
teenage bliss
A
promptly planted kiss
Nervous
reaction to his mere presence
Admiring
his heavenly essence
Tasting
the whisky on his lips
Between
silent peach juice sips
All
is quiet, the neighbourhood is dead
She’d
rather be herself 33 months ago instead
But
this sates for now
He
got closer than she’d care to allow
The
original crush
Endorphin
buzz
Blood
rush
Keep
it quiet, take things slow
Another
classified incident no one will ever know
Too
intoxicated to get his shoes on
It’s
beyond late; it’s almost dawn
He
leaves her house undiscovered
On
the highest cloud is where she hovered
Basement,
bathroom, belly-crawl
Her
stomach settles ‘til their next midnight maul.
Miserable
Flat
on my ass and incapacitated
Leveled
by Karma
Too
afraid of taking the wrong direction
I
stand paralyzed by Fear
Misplaced
affections
Rejection
surges
Dispersing
through my veins
Afflicted
with a case of hypotheticals:
If
only I had boarded that train
I
wouldn’t have sat squinting,
Counting
the passing cabins
You
demand trust, as if I hoard it,
When
I only request that you earn it.
It’s
not a given, extended naturally,
And
it’s one that I don’t grant upon entry to this calamity.
It
takes a strength I don’t possess
To
express that level of vulnerability.
The
hand I held
Was
but a plastic shell
Torn
from a mannequin that I had admired
He
who you would declare such a waste
Becomes
the ghost haunting my place
So
beautiful, it’s unbearable
Do
I long for you because you’re untouchable,
Or,
Are
you more beautiful,
Unsoiled
by my fingerprints?
Let
me bury my hope
A
love affair between shadows provides
A
delusional, detached, delight.
Even
embracing ghosts
-Only
to fall face first
Feels
safer:
The
familiarity of failure is more comforting than living in uncertainty
My
body needs to move
I’ll
lift my shoulders and raise my head
Even
if it’s only to have it cleaved from my neck
Selective
Perception
It
feels so good and so seems right
To
wrap my limbs around you tight
Are
these deceptive eyes showing me truth or lies
Can’t
believe all you see
Powerful
illusions hypnotize
Have
you come to save me?
Lust
Oh,
beautiful You
I
want to roll my tongue down your spine
Get
lost in the valley of your shoulder blades
Kissing
the back of your neck
To
smell your hair and taste your skin
Enmeshed
flesh,
Cocooned
in blankets
Playing
It Cool
I watch you in
the dark
Expecting the
unexpected
But still coming
up short
Late, you jog,
Then pretend to
act casual.
Sweet
Treat
I read
your messages
The
same way I like to savour
That
last bite of cake.
Free Samples
I
think I’d like a taste,
Do you
have any free samples?
I
can’t afford the product you’re promoting,
But I
think I’d like a taste.
Fry
Guy
Holy
Christ
My ass
must be in love
I
offered him my last fry.
I
Love You Like I Hate Me
This
dance has lasted long enough
To
become a parody of itself
You
only want me when I can’t stand you
Valentine’s Day
To: You, my Valentine
Oh,
how
I wish you were mine
Your heart: gift
wrapped & hand delivered,
With love as the lace, holding everything in place
But you’re not mine, & I can lay
no claim
Learning to live with the Loneliness
Adapting to your
absence
I
celebrate today
With out
Y ou
I Want to Know You
Thirsty eyes have been quenched
While a parched heart still longs
For the object of its desires
I want to know you
Deeper than flesh can penetrate
I want to touch you closer to your soul
Others often misunderstand
Let me sandwich you between glass plates
And slide you beneath my microscope
So, I may avoid their folly
And see you fully
Relaying The Message
Holding
the wood steady,
So, she
can nail this triangular frame in place
And
break three hearts in the process
I pray
she treats you right
Don’t
let her break your heart again
Glen
deserves better too.
The
Shell
You
can melt the ice beneath your blowtorch
But
don’t forget it’s the ice your feet are planted on
You
can dissolve your brain
But
the acid’s corrosion of your soul is more severe
Why
do you want to destroy who you are?
Why
do you want to die?
I don’t mean to admonish,
Your
body is yours to demolish
You
belong to addiction
You
are its vessel
A
meagre carrier of its disease
You
are just another soul,
Insignificant
compared to the haul it has amassed
Pray
to your false idol
Who
kisses you so uncompassionately
And
don’t dare to wonder why it feels so hollow
Stranger in the 408
Stark
ghostly blue eyes
That
had not yet lost the glimmer of optimism
Accompany
a reserved half-smile
You
propped your door open to facilitate an introduction
And
now you’re asleep on my pillow
Warming
my bed
And
I’m blanketed in this infatuation
Coincidental
occurrence
God,
he’s beautiful
He
breathes softly
Every
exhale breaking the silence
There’s
rain on the window
Autumn
is in the air
There’s
a chill up my spine
And
your shoulders are cold
I
want to warm them with my mouth
Saint Elmo’s Fire
Rest in peace, J. M.
There’s
a certain kind of magic that can be made,
When
a blanket floats down to the mattress,
And
in hiding underneath,
Swimming
undercover.
Thank you for showing me the magic,
You surround yourself with,
And
holding me.
Too good to taint with the vulgarities of my sexuality,
I
want to be your friend
But
I want to do this again
And
what of them?
Schroeder
A
simply sympathetic heart
Barricades
itself behind a curtain wall
Fortified
by his father’s criticism
Creating
a timeless playground,
Secure
in isolation,
Indulging
his quiet contemplation
Protecting
his sensitive serenity
From
the metallic colonizers of our galaxy
The
cracks spread
Along
your exquisitely crafted wall
Illuminating
the darkness of your halls
Enlightening
the surrounding smog
Don’t
needlessly mortar out
The
peeking glimpses of your being
With
materialism and propriety
Merely
to spite loneliness
Second Date
You were too good for me then
And you’re still too good for me now
But I’m working on it
I want to hold you
To coax you out of your shell
To hold a mirror to you
And show you how beautiful you are
I don’t have to touch you
Just let me worship at your temple
Maybe in another twenty I’ll be worthy to kneel at your altar
Rick’s Café
I
carved out some space,
Arranged
a place setting
And
held your reservation
Then
waited…
But
your table sits sterile, chairs tucked in, condiments untouched
While
other would-be patrons are turned away at the door.
It's
become a running joke between the waitresses
That
I'd turn away the King of England before giving your seat to someone else
That
the King would grace us with his presence long before you ever would
And
that I could even show him and Camilla photos from when my grandparents met his
parents.
I
hold this space as tightly as I've held my regret
Held
hostage by it,
I've
refused to repeat this mistake,
Instead
opting to make three more:
1.
In lieu of self love,
I
seek validation from a portrait of perfection,
Only
validating the fear that I am unlovable,
and using it for justification to indulge
myself;
2.
I fish without a hook,
To
spare myself the labour of everything fishing with purpose entails,
No
need to skin superficialities, spill guts, cleave meat from bone,
Then
prepare it 'til it's presentable and palatable and resembles something more
domestic; and
3.
I think this time could be different,
Every
day is the day
Until
it's another yesterday that wasn't.
Terrible
Poems for Lovely Goddesses
Bisexual
Gays
(2023).
Watercolour
& Acrylic Marker.
Defining
A Moment
Touch
her face softly
Lift
it up to yours
Pressing
pursed lips together
Delicate
divine
Defining
moment
Glow
Darkened doorway
Bleeding brain
Deterioration of her
vertebrae
For a great
sensation that lasts all day
Witty repartee
enlightening the darkest room
Your smile evaporating
my gloom
Golden locks and
soulful talks
Fantasy dream
Highlight
of My Day
Sunkissed
freckles gently decorate her face
Blue-eyed
maiden
Golden
hair, feminine grace
Perma-frown
fadin’
Mood
elatin’
Maybe
one day I’ll be smooth
You
bite bored lips I wish I could sooth
Cute
and witty
Smart
and pretty
Don’t
be modest,
You
Sunny, Earth Mother Goddess
Miss Muffet
The
branches of two trees,
Too
shy to greet,
Hold
space for one another,
Their
roots intertwined, connecting discreetly
What
a beautiful flower:
Gleaming
so intriguingly,
Producing
such a sweet aroma.
So
many surprises await the spider
Aiming
her silk-spun affections
Hoping
to be fortunate enough to connect to your delicate petal
Less
her ambitions blow away in the wind
Might
she humbly inquire
If
her efforts are in vain?
Reply
gently
A
strong wind could crush her
And
she has yet to recover from her fall down the water spout
Miss Understood Vegan
Hair:
wild and cruelty free
Refusing
to consume fast food fries
As
a further ‘fuck-you’ to the corporations
Slaughtering
animals and serving their carcasses
In
semi-sanitary links of their impersonal chain
Does
she condemn the ignorance of her species?
Would
she rather be a tree?
I
wish I knew
For
a 2 Syllable Poem
When
are we going to take off our shoes, darling?
The
darkest part of night has passed
The
morning will reveal us ugly and unmade
I’ll
tell you whatever you want to hear
Just
to side step my abandonment fears
The Woman After Me
Oh,
Darling
Don’t
you know you’re exquisite?
The
very best in a long line of smudged facsimiles of an ideal brunette
The
only one with any clarity
I
adore you and say that with all sincerity
You’re
soft and gentle
And
everything I could never be
Don’t
move me into a space not meant for me.
I
pray for you,
Never
hated you,
Got
nothing but gratitude
You’re
a queen
You
deserve the royal treatment
Always
thought you could do better
But
I wasn’t gunna drop that in my letter,
Sorry.
Sorry
for anytime I’ve been weaponized
To
keep you hypnotized
And
submissive
Are
you being held hostage,
Ransomed
for the price of my bounty?
Epilogue
Poly
I'm a woman of eclectic tastes
Or so I've been told
I've adorned many costumes
But have seldom fit the
mold
Accessorize with a prize
That'll match each unique
outfit
Safety-pin an alcoholic
punk to my misanthrope costume
Clip a yuppie onto my grey
blazer
Bag up a stoner to deposit
in my purse's secret compartment
Coat myself in geek before
I hit that con
Roll a rebel up in my
tee-shirt's sleeve
I'm not looking for the one
I want two
In every colour of my
personality
Sitting With it
Some strange
And a 10-dollar beer on tap
Can help you swallow that lump in your
throat
Drug of Choice
Sometimes
I wonder if I’m ace
If
I’ve only ever enjoyed the chase
Do
I even like sex?
Or
do I simply use it?
Getting
off or getting high?
Artificial
intimacy
Usually
free
Capsuled
for my convenience
My
drug of choice
Break-Up Playlist
Forever Alone
Because I’ll never love Anyone
More
than my Break-Up Playlist
The
Life of Couches
Based on a conversation with Syndal
Bradshaw and Nico Williams.
They
breathe so serenely
Longing
for nothing
Knowing
the answer in every cell of their fibres
Asking
for nothing
Finding
comfort in their limitations
Rely
on Floor,
Flirt
with Wall
Cushion
the perils of the ignorant
In
the times between their blind running lunacy.
About
the Author
Natasha Adams is
a painter, poet, and comic creator from Aamjiwnaang First Nation. She has a
3-year Bachelor of Arts degree in Social Sciences from Brock University, where
she minored in Business and Sociology. She is a member of the Lawrence House
Centre for the Arts and the sole proprietor of Melancholy Feat Productions and
Adams’ Odemin Farm.
Men Make Poor
Pillows is a collection of the author’s previously unpublished romantic
poetry spanning from 2001 to 2015, with 21 new poems and 3 supplementary
paintings to accompany The Bests Collection (2022-2023).
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